Breaking Free from Valentine's Day Guilt
Don’t get me wrong with this blog, I love all holidays, including Valentine’s Day. However, there is a lot of obligation that goes into these kinds of holidays. People seem to feel compelled, obligated, and forced into celebrating or acknowledging holidays that are painful, sad, or upsetting in some kind of way. Let’s see if we can break through the guilt once and for all.
Holidays are human rules. They are just things we tell other people we’re doing. Have you seen the meme’s on social media that end with, “ We’re doing this thing. Tell the others…”? That’s exactly what holidays are. Days that we’ve agreed upon, named, and decided what activities should be done on that day.
Valentine’s Day is typically designed for couples. But what if you’re not in a relationship? What if everyday is Valentine’s Day? What if you’re rebelling against love? What if you just see it as a capitalist holiday?
Then I say, don’t celebrate it and don’t feel guilty about it either. You’re not obligated to celebrate the holiday. You’re not obligated to do anything. If you don’t want to do it, don’t do it. Just remember not to be defensive about it.
It’s okay to not celebrate, but we don’t have to defend that. We don’t have to tout it as some rebel move. We don’t have to knock the holiday or wreck it for others. It’s just a choice you’re making. There is nothing wrong that choice. You don’t have to feel guilty about it at all.
What defending it says is that you’re not yet fully owning it. It’s like society makes you come up with an excuse or something to blame in order to simply honor your own choices. What would happen if you just decided for yourself without the blame or the story?
Standing in your own choices isn’t always easy. People, especially on social media, are likely to question what you’re doing and why you’re doing it. If you can learn to answer those questions without being defensive by simply owning the choice, then you’re most of the way out of the guilt already.
It’s the guilt that makes you feel the need to defend. You’re not really free from it if you’re still feeling the guilt and having to defend your choice. If you didn’t feel guilty or feel like you were doing something wrong, you probably wouldn’t even bother to defend yourself. You wouldn’t even tell people what you were doing or not doing in this case.
We have this thing where we like to tell people that we’re going against the grain. I’ve done it too in the past. I guess technically I do it every day now, but it’s different. I’m not defending anything but I am questioning everything. That’s what I want you to do, question why you feel guilty for making a choice. Question why you feel the need to defend the choice?
It doesn’t matter what the holiday is that you’re not participating in or what the thing is you’ve decided to do or not do, it’s okay to make that choice. It’s okay to stand in your power.
Where does the guilt come from? It’s learned. We’ve all been taught to feel bad for rebelling against the human rules. It’s a way to keep everybody in line and doing the same thing. You get called a “party pooper” when you don’t celebrate certain things. But you’re not. You’ve just decided to do something differently and that’s okay. The guilt is learned, which means it’s not yours to begin with. You picked it up from somewhere.
There are so many things that we feel that were taught to us. They aren’t ours. Those wounds your parents and caregivers passed onto you weren’t yours either. But here you are owning them like a champ. We were trained to feel that way and one of them is the guilt around not celebrating a given holiday.
The thing is, you’re not free of it until you’re able to release the guilt. If you’re stuck in a cycle of feeling guilty and defending yourself every Valentine’s Day you’re not really free yet, are you? Let go of the need to do this stuff. Just drop it. It’s not yours anyway. If other people try to pass it onto you, just let it go. Trying owning the choice without the defensiveness and see how that goes.
You don’t have to be flippant or rude or defiant. Just compassionately, kindly own the choice and allow people to believe or think whatever they will about your choice. It’s not your job to convince anybody of anything, or even to convince them that you’re allowed to make the choice. Just make it and don’t worry about what other people think of it.
You don’t need permission. You don’t need approval. You just need to choose.
What choices in your life are still tied to guilt? And what happens if you simply let that go?
Let me know in the comments below!
If you know somebody that’s struggling with Valentine’s Day, share this blog with them. If you subscribe to the blog via email, you’ll be notified every time I put something here! Thanks for your support!
Love to all.
Della
P.S. I put a new short read e-book in my shop (library) called The Power of Choice. Go grab a copy. It’ll help you make choices and stand in them, without blame or self-defense. Here’s the link: https://therebellibrary.dellawren.com/b/the-power-of-choice
P.P.S. I also have an article up on Substack called, “Why Do No Harm Take No Shit Misses the Mark”. Check it out and subscribe at this link: https://therebellioninsider.substack.com/p/why-do-no-harm-take-no-shit-misses
